Sunday, December 9, day 77

So, let me tell you something about the week before last.

We are on the Trauma and Neuro floor of the PICU. Sometimes I think being on this floor is harder not because of our situation but because of everything else that is here with us.

Parents talk. Parents talk to each other and family out in the waiting area. Some things you are directly involved in hearing and others you can’t help but overhear. There are sick kids and accidental and non-accidental injuries on this floor. It is the non-accidental injuries that are the worst. I mean, how these kids end up like they do is unfathomable. It is even harder when they pass on.

Last week I could feel something hadn’t been right for several days. On Saturday morning I had a sudden urge to put a mark on the door of Emma’s room. The visual I had was of a wood framed doorway with blood on it- much like the illustrations for passover in the Bible. I finally figured out there were three Southwest Transplant kids on the floor. This is code for ‘three deaths’. The creepy feeling I had for several days was in fact the angel of death. Yet at the same time out of such horrible circumstances several children were given the gift of life from those precious children who are now in heaven. It is so strange to feel that feeling and yet know there is a blessing there as well.